Honor Lost Page 5

  She gulped. “What about our families, Zara?” More tears. “They’ll be so scared . . . and ashamed.”

  I gave her a little shake, then a hug. “They’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You sure don’t, because we didn’t do anything wrong. Something is deeply fucking weird about this. First off, how did this message even arrive? We don’t have infrastructure for deep space communications, apart from our Leviathan, right?”

  “That is an excellent question,” Nadim said. “The signal did not come through my regular channel to Earth.”

  The technical issue focused Bea, as I’d hoped. “Maybe the signal was compatible with someone else’s signal network?”

  “Bouncing off lizard relays or something?” From what I knew, the Bruqvisz were kind of, unexpectedly, the bards of the galaxy; it would likely be their network. They seemed to be the chatty type.

  “It’s a theory?” Bea made it a question.

  “Good enough for me. And it brings me to my next issue . . . what the hell is going on inside the Honors committee? They should have some inkling about the Gathering and yet they’re angry about us? How does that compute? Even if they don’t know the whole story, they must be aware that a bunch of Leviathan and Honors went silent at the same time.”

  Bea compressed her lips, worried and thoughtful. “That’s true. And didn’t Chao-Xing say that we were being lauded for completing the course early? What changed?” She swallowed hard and wiped her tears away. Took a deep breath. “More importantly . . . are they coming for us?”

  “I won’t let them take you. We’ll run.” Nadim sounded desperate.

  “Everybody, calm down. Nadim, could they even catch us at this point?”

  “If they worked with a Leviathan, yes. An Elder.”

  “And how many of those do you think are left?”

  “I . . . don’t know,” he said, and I felt the swirl of real anxiety from him. He’d never lived in a universe where he wasn’t certain if Elders were out there. “It’s possible they might convince one to come for us. They will be frightened. And if they blame this on us . . .”

  “That’s bad,” Beatriz finished. And her anxiety fed his. Great. We did not need this right now, with gods and monsters to fight.

  “Look, we have way too much going down to listen to petty Earth bullshit. They come gunning for us, they’d best come prepared for a fight.” I meant it, but it also gave me a weird disconnect. I really had put my homeworld behind me for good. Home was here. With Nadim, Bea, and Starcurrent. Not that distant blue ball.

  “Are you saying we’re above the law?” Bea’s tone alerted me; she was smiling through her tears. She even went for the joke. “Or should that be beyond it? We are, by like ten thousand kilometers. Or light-years? Did I ruin the punchline?”

  I laughed. “No, it was perfect.”

  “Maybe we should send a message back to them and try to explain . . . ?”

  Sure. Explain escaped deadly gods and Leviathan lying to all of humanity for generations and the Honors program being a recruiting plan for a war they didn’t know existed. Sounded like an easy chat.

  The comm console buzzed then, and Chao-Xing appeared. We were still orbiting the binary star, close enough for visual contact. “Did you get a message from Earth?”

  “Yeah, we were just talking about it. Did they send something to Typhon?”

  “You mean the bulletin about your felonious status, along with an addendum about how we’ll be charged as accomplices if we don’t agree to assist in your capture? Why, yes. We received it.”

  Yusuf and Marko appeared behind Chao-Xing, so it seemed like we were having a conference call. “Nothing like this has ever happened in Honors history,” Yusuf said, incredulous. “It’s a scandal!”

  “Look at us, making history again.” I nudged Bea and smiled, but she wasn’t feeling the humor.

  Marko paced behind the console, in and out of sight, but his voice carried. “This makes no sense at all. Something has gone terribly wrong in the program.”

  “Shit’s been all kinds of wrong in the program well before this,” I said. “And not to state the obvious, but we have way bigger Phage to fry out here.”

  “You want to ignore the warning?” Marko asked.

  I stared, wishing I could get a better read on his expression. “Don’t tell me you still believe in the Honors program, after everything you’ve seen?”

  Chao-Xing held up a hand, forestalling whatever Marko might have said. “I’m willing to be labeled an outlaw if it allows us to stop the old god we awakened.”

  “Yeah, it’s our mess to clean up. Then we’re all agreed that we don’t give a shit what the Honors program thinks right now?” I asked.

  “Agreed,” C-X said crisply. Yusuf and Bea agreed a little more reluctantly. Marko didn’t say anything. I didn’t hear anything from Nadim, so I sent him a silent thought. Well?

  Oh, agreed, Zara. I am with you. Always.

  Part of me was sad, though, imagining how shitty Mom and Kiz would feel, hearing about how I screwed this golden opportunity up way beyond any rational expectation. I could imagine what the press and pundits must be saying, and it would break my family’s hearts. Hope the Earth authorities don’t put real pressure on them. Any crim could have told them that you got results by twisting the arms in reach, even if they belonged to innocent people. If I put my mom and Kiz at risk . . .

  I couldn’t think about that. Nothing I could do but hope.

  Starcurrent wasn’t part of this huddle, but that was because ze wasn’t an Earth Honor and wasn’t subject to our laws. The Abyin Dommas had been hiding in the media room since we left Greenheld, deeply depressed over the exile. After this, I thought I should go cheer zim up. Maybe it’ll help me shake this blue mood too.

  “We deal with the god-king first,” Chao-Xing said. “Consequences after.”

  Yusuf nodded. “If they send us to prison for saving the galaxy, so be it. Possibly, we’ll die trying, so it may be a moot point.”

  “None of that defeatist attitude,” Bea snapped. “We’re going to be fine!”

  Chao-Xing continued as if the other two hadn’t weighed in. “Zara, Typhon would like to speak with you.”

  Wow, I didn’t see that coming.

  I hadn’t talked to him one-on-one since I’d escaped from the cell they’d put me in when they were trying to fail Bea and me for going off course in the program. Nadim’s misgivings flooded me as I stepped away from the console. The others could keep talking, but I’d need to drop into a deeper bond to chat with Typhon, through my link with Nadim. As I started to move off, Chao-Xing added, “In private. Come on the Hopper.”

  Whoa, that was unexpected. Nadim was already bristling. “Why can’t he speak to her through one of you?” Typhon normally just commandeered his crew as mouthpieces whenever he wanted.

  Marko quirked half a smile. “Our rapport has improved. Typhon doesn’t do that anymore. We convinced him it wasn’t good for us.”

  “Damn, really? That’s great: no more puppeteering. Okay. I’m on my way.”

  I jogged to the docking bay, wondering what Typhon had to say that he wanted to tell me privately. At the same time, this would be my first solo flight in the Hopper, and that was pretty damn exciting. After putting on my skinsuit, I climbed into the shuttle and input the coordinates.

  It was amazing when Nadim opened the docking bay to permit me to take flight. “Be careful,” he said. “I still don’t trust Typhon completely.”

  After the way he’d treated Nadim in the beginning, I wasn’t the Elder’s biggest fan either. “Are you kidding? Wary is my middle name.”

  “Zara Wary Cole?” He sounded skeptical. “I thought it was Akinyi.”

  “It’s a joke. Never mind.” I checked my flight path, along with all the instruments to ensure the Hopper was in prime working order.

  Taking a deep breath, I swooped the Hopper out, nothing but skill between me and certain disaster. The view was breathtaking, closer tha
n I’d ever been to such brightness. The pulses of light surrounded me, and I dodged rocky bits of rubble that made up the asteroid field. While Typhon and Nadim were huge, armored up on top of their naturally thick skin, the Hopper couldn’t shrug off even minor collisions. It was different from the sims, knowing a miscalculation could have real-world costs. No reset button out here.

  The god-king we were chasing already had me feeling small, but being surrounded by the stars shrunk me even further. By the time I navigated into Typhon’s docking bay, I felt like a speck of dust. I waited in the Hopper until the pressure equalized in the bay, then I slid out . . . and immediately noticed a difference.

  The last time I was over here, the air was chilly enough to make me shiver, even through layers of protective clothing, but now it felt hospitable. Chao-Xing, Marko, and Yusuf were all waiting for me on the other side of the doors. I pretended I was about to hug C-X, and she held me at arm’s length like a cat who didn’t want to snuggle. Yusuf patted my shoulder, which was expansive coming from him, and . . . damn.

  Marko really did look like shit. There were dark circles beneath his eyes and his skin had what I’d call space pallor, along with three or four days of unshaven scruff. I guessed that between the god-king running amok and us being burned by the supposedly incorruptible Honors program, he had nothing left to believe in.

  “We can talk after you hear from Typhon,” Yusuf said.

  Nodding, I headed for the media room. The others didn’t follow me, and I settled into a comfortable chair. I assumed Typhon didn’t want a verbal chat, but it felt weird to open myself to another Leviathan. This time, I didn’t have to work at it since Typhon had called for me. My mind filled with his distinctive brand of ancient loneliness, but this time, it was tempered by the bonds he was forming with Chao-Xing, Marko, and Yusuf.

  I must thank you, Zara Cole.

  Of all the reasons for this summons, I couldn’t have predicted that one. For what?

  Chao-Xing told me what occurred. You risked everything to protect me. I thought Nadim was young and reckless, but he was wise to choose you and Beatriz. I regret much that has passed between us.

  Don’t care about that. Are you sorry for beating Nadim to try to make him mind you?

  Heaviness passed through him, swelling in waves of regret. I thought the old ways were best. I was mistaken. From young ones, I have learned that if a species is to thrive, it must adapt.

  That’s true. But I don’t think you called me just to say thanks and sorry.

  I did want to acknowledge how far you went to protect me, Zara Cole. You risked the lives of your loved ones to keep me safe. You feared I might react . . . irrationally to the threat of infestation. You were correct. I . . . cannot control my reaction to the swarm.

  Wow, I wasn’t expecting Typhon to be so straight with me, but here we were, talking like equals. Nadim’s the same. Not on your level because he hasn’t had them running wild inside him, but he’s got an instinctive hatred that’s hard to overcome.

  I shuddered, remembering the fight we’d had to clear Typhon of the invading threat. If that was a bad memory for me, I could only imagine how horrible it was for the Elder. Couldn’t visualize how it would feel to have killer insects in my organs.

  It is a violation that I can neither forget nor erase. I asked to speak with you because I wanted to assure you that as of this moment, I consider myself bound only to Nadim and to his crew as kindred. Our cousins may answer to the Honors administration of Earth, but I will not. If they come for you, I will stand beside you and fight to keep them from taking you.

  That was why he called me—to promise his support in the face of us being called crims. In addition to that, he was also promising to throw down against other Leviathan. I did not take this declaration lightly.

  You sure about that? I know Leviathan don’t use weapons on each other. You might end up—

  That is my concern. I will not regret or retract this decision.

  Okay. Thanks. Nadim will appreciate it too. It really was us against the universe. I couldn’t resist adding, I think you get this already, but I just have to say, any custom that makes you hurt someone smaller or weaker? It’s bullshit.

  Don’t provoke me.

  I laughed. Is that all, then?

  I have nothing further to discuss. As abruptly as I might expect, Typhon pushed me out and I opened my eyes.

  Time to check in with the others.

  Chao-Xing seemed to be scanning for signs of the god-king while Marko was reading on his handheld. Yusuf had some parts scattered around and must be planning to build something.

  “Have a good talk?” Chao-Xing asked.

  I filled them in, and the men took off—Marko to the combat sim and Yusuf to the storage area. I needed to make sure they were both okay . . . Marko first, because he was a real mess. I followed him to the combat sim, though he looked like he needed food and rest more than physical activity.

  “You sure that’s a good move?” I asked as he was about to enter.

  “Maybe not.” He scrubbed a hand along his jaw, looking ten years older than he had at Camp Kuna when he came to fetch me to the Honors program. He’d shone like a vid star then, a poster boy for the program.

  “Is there anything I can do?” I didn’t ask what was wrong.

  “I’m surprised you care.”

  I recognized somebody with a chip on his shoulder and an eagerness to fight. No words could penetrate when someone felt like that, so I opted not to waste my time. “Sure. Let me show you how much.”

  With that, I dragged his ass into the combat sim and set it to unarmed melee, level seven. I’d never tag-teamed with anyone but Chao-Xing, and that was out of necessity back on the Sliver. For a hot second, Marko looked astonished, then he got in battle stance, ready to fight our faceless shadow enemies. I took position at his back.

  They came at us hard and fast. I should have stretched first, but it felt good to lash out with hands and feet, punish some fake people for the real shit I was going through. I kicked one in the stomach, swept the legs on another, and dove forward, slamming into two more. Marko was more of a boxer, protecting himself more than he fought, but his punches were fierce, laying the enemy out in one shot. He knew how to channel power. I did some fancy floor work, rolling and coming up to drop a couple more with quick strikes.

  We fought until we were breathless, and they were all vanquished. Marko spilled to the floor, breathing hard. “You’re brutal.”

  “Seems like your leg is healed.” I sat down, trying to read his mood.

  “Yeah. Finally,” he muttered.

  “You want to talk, or . . . ?”

  “Save it, Zara. I know I’m not high on the list of people you care about,” he said. Maybe he didn’t mean it as an accusation, but it felt like one.

  “Bea and Nadim are my faves, I admit, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”

  “Whatever. Let’s call it good.”

  With a sigh, I got up and dusted myself off, hoping he’d talk to someone else. My people skills weren’t the best, so maybe I should get Bea over, or possibly Marko would open up to Yusuf’s big-brother brand of comfort. Whatever. I’m done here. At least I tried.

  Time to find Yusuf.

  He was in the supply room, digging through various crates. “Any progress?” he asked when I came in. “Yes. I know he’s having trouble.”

  I shook my head. “Glad to see you’re better, at least.”

  “Typhon’s a tough bastard. I thought if he could cope with his losses, so should I.”

  “What’re you working on?”

  Yusuf had a bunch of parts spread out on the worktable, a variety of tools on standby. “If I can get it working, it’ll be a little bot to help with certain less-than-delightful maintenance tasks.”

  My eyes just about formed hearts. “That’s the best thing I’ve heard in days.”

  “We haven’t had a lot of good news, huh? Or are you really into robots?”


  “Half and half? Not gonna lie, robots are cool. Except the ones that patrol the border between the Zone and Paradise.”

  “I don’t know where that is.”

  “New Detroit. That’s where I’m from. You?” I couldn’t remember if he’d mentioned it before. If so, hopefully he wouldn’t be mad at me for forgetting.

  “Nyeri, though I went to school in Nairobi.” As he spoke, he worked, assembling bits here and there. I started to catch the hang of what he was doing and handed him things before he could reach for them.

  Yusuf gave me an approving nod. “You’re clever.”

  It was damn cool watching this bot take shape before my eyes. I could feel Nadim plucking at me, long distance, but for the moment I was too interested in the robot to respond to his tugs on my attention. “Thanks. I’m good at building stuff, but I’ve never tried anything like this.”

  The bot took shape slowly, a rectangular little thing that had rolling treads to carry it around. Since it was relatively small, it would be able to slide into small spaces. Yusuf didn’t respond for a bit, focused on his work, and I enjoyed the hell out of assisting him. Soon, he powered it on, and lights twinkled along the back, flaring red, yellow, then green. Its head swiveled, and it emitted a series of beeps.

  “I didn’t have the parts for a voice module, so it communicates that way.”

  “This thing is adorable.”

  “Hopefully, it will also be useful. It has a cleaning attachment and protocols to make basic repairs.”

  “I love that. Can you build one for Nadim?”

  Yusuf smiled. “If this one works out, come over again and you can help me. Maybe we can even upgrade the next one.”

  “I’ll check for parts in our supply stores.”

  A stronger pull came from Nadim, and I yielded this time. Waving at Yusuf, I headed for the Hopper and returned to my Leviathan. When I swooped the shuttle inside, a soft burst of warmth rolled over me like the closest hug, and Nadim was all in my head, worried, questioning in nonverbal touches.

  “It’s fine. It was nothing bad,” I said aloud.

  While the docking bay pressurized, I filled him in on the gist of what Typhon had said, especially the part about regretting the so-called discipline he’d dished out. Nadim was quiet as I got out of the Hopper, but I could feel his pain and uncertainty. He loved Typhon, but sometimes it wasn’t easy to forgive. I’d never been particularly good at it myself. One thing I knew I couldn’t help him through.