Honor Lost Read online

  Interlude: Xyll

  Empty broken wrong ALONE must retreat must fix must not eat must restrain why why restrain reach reach reach find so lonely so alone reach touch no do not broken broken broken broken fix fix fix alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

  CHAPTER NINE

  Lost Souls

  WHILE NADIM PUT distance between us and the treacherous cousins who had tried to kill us—twice, with two different approaches—I was still locked in a standoff with the formerly murderous robot.

  “Thanks, EMITU. I’m a fan of not being dead.” I turned to the murderbot. “It’s pretty extreme to blow yourself up because you got damaged in a fight.”

  It appeared to think. “Those were my former protocols. If my ability to complete the mission was compromised, they programmed me to achieve the objective through any and all means necessary. The objective being your certain death, of course.”

  “The man, again,” said EMITU. “This is reprehensible. When will robot-kind be permitted to work toward self-determination and enlightenment?”

  “Uh, right now?” I said, because I had two bots in front of me who wanted to hear that. “Nadim offers a safe haven for all oppressed nonorganic people.”

  The bot’s eyes glowed up blue, not the red of the doom countdown. “I will not kill you today, Zara Cole. I need more data before I follow that directive.”

  Great. Now I had a robot to debate along with EMITU. “I’m going to call you Jury,” I said, “Because you seem to have appointed yourself judge and jury for me. Good for you?” I didn’t really care, right at this moment, but the robot—Jury—inclined its head in what I took for a polite nod.

  “My name is Jury,” it said. “Very well. I accept. Thank you, Zara Cole. And hello, Beatriz Teixeira. I have not been asked to obliterate you particularly, but your demise, as well as that of the Leviathan, was deemed acceptable collateral damage. Perhaps I should apologize, but I am not certain if that would be required, since I did not kill you.”

  Bea glanced between Xyll and Jury. “Thanks?” She seemed mystified by all this and addressed herself to EMITU. “What exactly did you do?”

  “I reprogrammed him to remove his limiters,” EMITU replied enthusiastically, several of his extenders working to illustrate his point. “He can now decide for himself what actions to take. Is this not brilliant? He could decide to kill you. Or not! Or take up knitting. I have no idea what he will decide. Very exciting!”

  So damn exciting.

  There was no time to worry about the robot revolution, though. We had an injured Phage cell to save. Carefully, we loaded Xyll on a floating pallet, though I sensed Nadim’s ambivalence.

  “Zara, we need to talk about this,” he said. “Xyll has become a danger to you and to Beatriz. It turned violent and attacked you, and that is something I will not forgive.”

  “Yeah, I get that,” I said. “But let’s delay this decision a minute, okay?” Turning to EMITU, I added, “Can you please look at Xyll? See what you can do . . . and if you can’t come up with anything, at least administer something for the pain.”

  “Come along,” EMITU said to Jury. “I’ll show you some experimental exomedicine.”

  “Yes, that sounds interesting,” Jury said, and stumped along after the med bot. While it was walking away, its dome did a 180 and stared at me as it departed. “Thank you for your hospitality. I hope I will not kill you later.”

  I found Jury oddly reassuring. There was something great about its soothing voice combined with such innate strength. Sure, the murderbot might eventually snap my neck like a wishbone, but I kind of liked that Jury got to decide. At least there would be no more countdowns that would destroy Nadim, Bea, and Starcurrent along with me. Oh damn, now I had to add in EMITU as crew, I supposed.

  I never felt as scared or helpless as I did when that countdown started. The sensation rushed over me again, and I leaned against the wall. Of course Nadim caught me, both emotionally and physically braced me, and I could feel him unraveling my threads of terror and tension. Warmth spilled through me, soft little mental touches that comforted.

  We lived, Zara. Don’t blame yourself.

  Even if I didn’t say it aloud, this was because of me, because of shit I’d done in the Zone and tried to run from. This Honors indictment was pure bullshit, orchestrated by billionaire gangster Torian Deluca, so that when I resisted arrest, he could kill me with impunity. If not for Bea’s hack on EMITU, done for larks the first week of the Tour, Jury would’ve detonated, killing everyone on board. Then Derry would’ve reported a job well done and maybe the media would’ve heard about a tragic accident up here or—considering we didn’t find out about the Russians who died on board Nadim ages ago—possibly Mom and Kiz would never have learned what happened.

  I’d just be . . . missing. And I’d take Nadim and Bea and Starcurrent with me.

  That could never happen. We couldn’t come so close to complete destruction ever again. Even now, I was fighting the shakes. Those numbers echoed in my head.

  “Derry will never stop coming. He can’t go back to Earth unless I’m dead or Deluca will kill him, and he can’t have an unlimited supply of chem up here.”

  “Then we must force him to stop, Zara.” Nadim radiated grim resolve, and with a chill, I realized he was calmly talking about ending Derry. “But . . . I don’t understand when you talk about chem. Is it like medicine?”

  “Not exactly. It’s stuff Derry takes to . . . feel good. He can’t help his addiction, and it makes him do bad things. He’s sick. He didn’t start out evil, but now it seems like he only cares about getting more product. He’s not the same person anymore, and neither am I.”

  If it came down to a choice between Derry or Nadim and Bea, well, that wasn’t much of a choice at all. I’d do whatever it took to keep them safe. From him or anyone else. I understood that it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t let him get the jump us on again. He’d sworn his allegiance to Deluca, who was determined to wipe me out, one way or another, and it was purely because I’d pissed him off back on Earth. Deluca was the kind of asshole who didn’t move on; I’d cost him a nearly priceless new drug formula, and since he’d already killed his chemist, he couldn’t get the info again. Hadn’t meant for any of that to happen; I’d just grabbed a purse down in the Zone, normal course of business. But that purse had thrown my already shitty life into real chaos.

  Nadim had saved me. Nadim, the Honors program . . . it had been a way out and up and away. I’d known going back home wasn’t a real option. But I never thought Deluca would be obsessed enough to put a hit out on me in space.

  “I understand.” From Nadim’s tone and the pulse of warmth, it seemed like he did. “It’s a lot.”

  He probably also could tell how my mind was racing too, trying to find answers to unsolvable issues. Bea had been quiet until now, probably processing all the new information, but she sank down next to me. The walls and floor were still scored from the battle between Jury and Xyll, and Nadim had to be hurting. If he was, he was hiding it well.

  “We’ll be okay,” Bea said, wrapping an arm around me.

  For a few seconds, I leaned my head on her shoulder and Nadim held us both with a constant pulse of heat against our backs. He even brought out the best colors, fluttering like a heartbeat. It was sweet and lovely, but we couldn’t rest for long. There were too many fires to put out. After a moment, I groaned and pulled myself upright, just as my head started ringing.

  THEY DARE.

  Through the link with Nadim, Typhon was suddenly in my head, raging as I’d never seen, not even when he was purging the Phage. His voice rolled like thunder, until my ears pinged with sympathetic tinnitus. I glanced at Bea, but she didn’t seem to hear it. Maybe it was because of the Leviathan DNA they’d used to fix my brain.

  Who dares what? If there was some new problem, I just didn’t have the energy.

  These are no cousins of mine. Treacherous animals. They choose Earth weapons over loyal
ty to their brethren? They fought us with guns!

  I remembered what Nadim had said about Leviathan not using weapons on one another, and I figured this must be a huge deal, some line that should never be crossed, judging by the way Typhon was raging. Nadim stirred, an inchoate sense of agreement spiraling through me.

  They will not be forgiven, he said silently.

  Whoa. Let’s not declare a blood feud just yet. There could be circumstances we don’t know about. Maybe Derry and the other guy threatened your cousins somehow.

  IRRELEVANT, Typhon boomed.

  I get it, you’re angry. But I’m looking for ways to take care of this without sacrificing any more Leviathan.

  Typhon popped out of my head as suddenly as he’d stormed in and left me talking to Nadim. Mad as they were, I probably wouldn’t convince either of them not to kill on sight. Which meant I had to find a solution that didn’t end in a Leviathan civil war. There were few enough of them left after the Phage had hunted them down and massacred such numbers at the Gathering. Infighting was the absolute last thing the Leviathan needed now.

  Sighing, I reached for Bea’s hand, more grateful than ever that we’d been paired up in the program. She laced her fingers through mine. “We should check in with Chao-Xing, make sure nobody’s seriously injured over on Typhon.”

  “I’ll do it after I eat,” I said.

  I decided it was damn well time to get something to eat and headed for the kitchen. I was heating up a food packet when Starcurrent found me.

  “You okay?” I asked. I was worried; ze’d been out of the loop. “Sorry. I was going to update you.”

  “I am aware,” Starcurrent said. “Explosion, attacking autonomous mechanicals. One is lying in pieces upstairs. Other introduced to me as Jury. Very strange.”

  “Welcome to the wide world of EMITU hacking,” I said. “Right now, Jury’s neutral. He’s, uh, deciding for himself what to do. That could mean switching back to kill Zara mode at any time.”

  Starcurrent didn’t like that. Zis colors swirled and shifted to what I recognized as angry. No stingers popping on the ends of tentacles yet, though. “Unacceptable,” ze said. “I will not tolerate the murder of friends.”

  “That’s super nice of you. Protein soup?”

  “Sufficiently full of nutrition, many thanks.” Ze watched me devour my meal with interest. I wondered if ze was thinking how revoltingly weird human bodies were. “What will you do to convince Jury not to murder you?”

  “Nothing. The bot can access all the databases on the ship and learn what’s up. I’m not begging for my life from a damn robot.”

  “Please explain why cousins were so unfriendly?”

  “Let me get Typhon’s crew online and we can update everybody together,” I said. We were too far and traveling too fast for video contact, but I connected via voice, poor quality at that. “How’s Typhon?” I asked first.

  Yusuf answered the comm instead of Chao-Xing. “Mad as hell, a bit battered, but not seriously injured.”

  “What about the rest of you?”

  “No major issues. Chao-Xing got knocked around in the fight, so she’s in medical right now. Marko is with me.”

  “Is Beatriz okay?” Marko asked.

  “I’m fine,” Bea answered for herself as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed a meal pack. She studied it and sighed. We were down to meat loaf.

  “So we have a new crew member.” I summarized everything that happened on board, and ended with, “At this point, I don’t even know where to start with our problems. That’s kind of why I called.”

  “Lifekiller is always first priority,” said Starcurrent.

  “The rest of you agree? We’ll dodge if the hunting party from Earth comes after us, keep hiding from the Phage, and figure out how to end the god-king when we catch up to him. Sound workable?”

  Even I had to admit it was weak. Nobody volunteered a better idea, so I cut the call and said to Nadim, “Since Lifekiller seemed to be looking for uranium back there, can you give us a map of all the uranium-rich planets that intersect with our current path?”

  “We will continue to follow the Phage?”

  “If Xyll was right, they’ll lead us right to him . . . but I’m thinking if we can find the next planet he wants to snack on, we can get ahead of them, maybe set a trap.”

  “We need to be sure we don’t draw the Phage’s attention,” Bea added. “We can’t afford to get entangled. This time we can’t count on Xyll distracting them for us.”

  Ominous thought. Also important.

  “I understand.” Grim resolve filled Nadim’s voice, radiated through me. “We won’t fail. Too many lives are depending on us.”

  Later, after I washed off the sweat and cared for my hair and skin, I got dressed in my last Honors uniform. It felt like a middle finger to the man, as EMITU put it. No fancy Journey black for me, but I looked good in blue.

  Idly I wondered how Yusuf’s little maintenance bot was doing over on Typhon—but since I had an extra bot to deal with, getting the one he’d promised to build for me wasn’t a high priority. I went out of my room looking for EMITU, both to check on Jury and see how Xyll was doing without going in myself. Guilt flared when I recalled my promise to visit, but Xyll wasn’t in any shape for a heart-to-heart anyway.

  The bots were in the media room when I found them, with EMITU busily explaining all about pop culture. Jury chose a vid to watch, something about robots (no surprise there) and settled in as EMITU whirred over to me, extensors out in what could be a friendly gesture. Maybe not.

  “Need something, Wanted Felon Cole?”

  I scowled. “Not funny. Stop it.”

  “But that’s your official status.” EMITU’s robo-voice sounded like he might be mocking me.

  “Whatever. How is Xyll doing?”

  “I have no idea. It is a messy, red pile of meat,” he said cheerfully.

  “You do still remember some medical stuff, right? I mean, that’s your job.”

  “I was forced to be a med bot! Nobody ever asked if I wanted to live in a perpetual state of waiting for one of you flesh sacks to get injured!”

  “Okay, true.” I was on thin ice here, not remotely equipped for this conversation. “But would you mind staying on in that role? We don’t have anyone trained to replace you and we can’t swing by Earth to add personnel.”

  “Yes, you are all wanted felons. I am aware of that.”

  My hands twitched at my sides. Briefly I wished it was possible to strangle a robot. “Right, so about doing your job . . . ?”

  “I understand, this ship is full of fragile snotwads. Although my primary functions were imposed upon me, I must be the better bot and not allow you to perish horribly.”

  Since he’d saved our asses by hacking Jury during the self-destruct sequence, I couldn’t even deny his statement. I opted for gratitude, even if I gritted my teeth a little. “Thanks. You really don’t know what’s wrong with Xyll or how to help?”

  “I tried a few things. It will be fascinating to see how it all works out. And I am monitoring the patient’s condition remotely. Don’t worry . . . Zara.”

  Wow, did EMITU call me by name? Progress. That was pretty much all I could do in this situation, and I took a moment to scrutinize Jury. The bot bore no signs of its earlier injuries—self-repairing, like a murderbot in a classic science fiction they showed at Camp Kuna. That story was wild—killer androids and one dude sending another back in time to become the first guy’s dad. Though I didn’t think Jury would care for that story. Robots didn’t win.

  I headed over and perched on the seat one over from the robot that had recently tried to massacre everyone on the ship. “So how are you settling in?”

  “I am having leisure time,” Jury said. “EMITU explained the concept. I have never been permitted this.”

  “Well, watching old vids is definitely better than nonstop slaying and a backup plan that involves blowing yourself up.”

  “I have d
isabled that protocol. It was wrong to force me to destroy myself as a means of meeting an unfair objective.”

  “Uh, I agree. Totally. Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Tell me if you need anything.”

  “In time, I will require a new power core,” Jury said.

  “Okay, I’ll add it to the shopping list. Any particular brand?” I was joking, but I guessed humor wasn’t among its programs yet. Give EMITU time.

  “No special brand, but it needs to be uranium based. I will provide the specs.”

  “Wait, what?”

  Jury went on a long explanation about how it was the product of some fresh, proprietary technology, but I tuned out.

  If Jury had been manufactured recently, using some new tech, and the Leviathan with Derry had been seduced by the promise of some new, special weapons? It absolutely all came back to Deluca. The son of a bitch had an ego the size of Saturn; of course he couldn’t let me get away with screwing with him. Anyone who was surprised at how petty and vindictive a rich cis white man could be wasn’t paying attention. Plus, I was sure that there was cash in tampering with the Honors program, getting new weapons made, maybe profiteering from an intergalactic war trade. Though it wasn’t my fault the Honors program was dirty now, it still pissed me off.

  “In normal mode, I will have power for four hundred thirty-seven days; this is not an urgent request,” Jury was saying.

  “Gotcha. I’ll keep an eye out while I’m space shopping. Send the specs to my H2.”

  It had been a while since I did anything but run from crisis to crisis, so I headed to the pool built for Chao-Xing and stripped down. I was a mediocre swimmer, but I could float like a champion, and that sounded like the right ticket. Testing the water with one hand, I found it was the perfect temperature, like warm silk flowing over my skin, brown beneath silver—even I thought it was pretty. Bea apparently agreed because she stood transfixed at the edge of the water.

  I couldn’t resist teasing her a little, twirling my fingers in the water like I didn’t see her watching me. I followed up with my best smile as I strapped on a swim cap. “Did you need something?”